Stairway to My Life

Silly subject, I know. But the Zep are on the box right now, and I can't think of anything else.All I can think of right now is that as much as I thought I had my entire future knocked, it gets fuzzier and fuzzier by the hour.Those of you that really know me may have heard me talk about what I want to do: the information systems gig, making a film, possibly having a family, maybe a brief political career to make changes in the world. Nothing extravagant. I don't want to roll down the streets of Beverly Hills in a blue Navagator in an Armani suit being offered a high profile directing gig with Keanu Reeves and Julia Roberts. I'd rather be dead.I just want a simple life, working with computers, making films, and finding someone to love. If things work well, I'll make things a bit more complicated and take a crack at cleaning up this country (like a cop, not like a tree hugger).But lately I haven't been so sure.I don't know what I want anymore. Lately, I've had notions of writing stories for video games, of being a saleman, of being an operations manager. After watching the first season of The Shield (highly reccomended, by the way), I've thought more about doing television over film if I go that route.I want to run a comic book store. I want to teach people how their computers work and how they can fix them themselves. I want to stay in housing and advise an RHA somewhere.I want to build computers at 2:00AM in a warehouse in Texas.I want to visit space. I want to colonize Mars.I want to be a desk sargent for the NYPD.This all came about in the past few days. The doubt about my future has led me to doubt everything else. My academic performance. My social life. My reason to exist on this planet.I'm still trying to figure out how I keep living from day to day. I feed myself a steady diet of sunflower seeds and colored sugar water. But it's not working.Yeah.I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. Not sure if I care either. I'm at that point.I'm done for now. I might be back later.Tom